Daily Reflections From My Window

December 4, 2020 Friday


The greatest enemy of good thinking is busyness.

John C. Maxwell


I learned both of these things last night. My family had a little intervention with me. It was not welcome and it was very hard to hear.

I was on my way home from a very long doctor visit after discussing some very difficult things. New tests today and then back Monday for the heavy metal and Mercury toxicity test, finally! But, when the chairs can only be 6 feet apart and these docs and nurses are already working overtime to assist existing patients, I had to wait until a chair opened up. The good news is that I do not have Lyme disease. Now he’s trying to figure out why I can’t STOP crying. After not crying for a solid six months before I went there, now I can’t stop. And I’m so mad. All the time. About stupid stuff. I’m arguing about anything and everything. Mostly with my family. Because you know, I’m always right. I’m a Gregg and that’s how we roll. Or is it the Jackson side? I think it’s the Jackson side. My mom’s side.

Terrible picture, but beautiful Hallmark town of Ligonier at night.

Back to driving home. I called Jay to tell him that I was on my way home, since I’d left at 11:30 and had been at the docs all day and was just leaving at 5 PM. I joked to the nurse that I should get a job there, except I haven’t figured out their protocol yet. It’s a small place but like a maze inside and you go here for one thing, there for another and another place for something else. Then checking out is to multiple places. I THINK they know that I have no memory, but then, maybe it’s a test. So I learned that Jack and Mad were coming over for dinner and laundry. Oh good, I had just planned to have the last of the turkey, gravy and potatoes over waffles. We had plenty. That wasn’t the problem. I think I was really looking forward to spending time with just Jay after a very busy week and after being busy catching up on farm chores and alpaca things, I had a LOT of catching up to do on my MK newsletter. I’m overdue by two days publishing and several on a sponsored review. I’ve gotten emails from the campaign manager asking if I’m ok because it’s not like me to be overdue. But I am.

I got home and they arrived, we had dinner, argued on my part and was told that I spend too much time on my phone and don’t pay attention to people. As I looked around to see 3 out of the 4 people glancing at their phones. Jack is totally off of social media, and I mean totally. He has the most basic phone and for someone who has a thriving online business seems to manage without being connected every minute. He truly is present and is the one who notices and I think my phone addiction bothers the most. The others? Jay TRIES and is better than I. Madison is still finishing up projects for school, and her brother? Well, he’s 14. Madison posed the question when I pleaded my case to why I have my phone at the ready that I had access to patterns and techniques stored on my phone that I otherwise would not have had. She said “Is it worth it?” For me it is-I’ve discovered that I think I’m a visual learner. Read that again. What I discovered is that I’ve been trained to be a visual learner when in reality, SOME things ARE easier to follow than to actually learn by practicing. So I have REALLY become a monkey. I copy but don’t retain the information. I have the world at my fingertips and have lost my creativity in a deal with the devil of easy. After another good argument and lashing out with nasty words and lots of tears on my part, I retreated to my studio so that I wouldn’t say more things that I would regret.

Jack followed me to my studio after an appropriate cooling off time and for a 26 year old has a wisdom beyond his years. He knows how to tweak me and how to talk me off the ledge. He is a philosopher at heart after all. I miss our talks and delving deeper into things. He’s a smart guy snd I love him more than life. (Along with Jay❤️), but as a son. We hit the Jackpot! He found Madison and we were twice blessed. Life is so good here. Then we said goodbye and I grabbed my knotting to sit with Jay for a while and knit. With a stack of knitting books and stitch dictionaries. For some reason that doesn’t bother anyone and I’m still distracted! 🤷‍♀️

“Is it worth it?” I’ll ask this time. I’m pretty addicted to my phone. I AM lonely. This world situation has me so mad and it makes me mad that no one seems to see the insidious way that we have been groomed over the last many years to be here and accept it as normal. Here’s what happened in my mind. First we were THRILLED with the internet. You could do ANYTHING! Email friends, edit pictures, sell things (eBay). Then we could watch MOVIES! No bulky vhs tapes breaking. It was right on your tv! Then Netflix, then Amazon. We were so happy not to have to drive on a bad winter night to see a movie, albeit on old one. Need something? Food? Clothing? Gifts? No more FTD. We could get flowers from anywhere! Do you see where this is going? We’re already trained to nest. Why is it surprising then that we’re getting lazy having everything delivered. We’re getting fat and unhealthy sitting at our computer. There aren’t even trips to walk to the old water fountain for a break. Oh wait! There is the virtual water fountain-social media. We’re getting used to being trapped in our homes which have become our prisons with the advent of this new disease. Luckily, I discovered that I CAN go outside and do so frequently. This disease has separated families, closed businesses making us more dependent on companies like Amazon. Oh wait. I think the only one that will be left standing will be Amazon. I WILL NOT BUY FROM AMAZON. I may order online but it won’t be from there. It will be from a known store or I will go to the store itself locally. Oh boy I’m getting off track. Getting back to my intervention and digital detox. I DO need to set limits for myself.

Last night, just to be a jerk, I put my phone away, to prove a point. I have several projects to complete for special orders and in the past, my patterns were within reach on my phone, but I DO have a boatload of books and magazines from my childhood until now about knitting, crocheting and any kind of craft imaginable. What did my jerky self discover? I can still decipher a written pattern. I had to look up a few terms, but got them down par after trying and trying and trying. At the end of the night, I had ripped out my project 6 times but I know those stitches by heart and am excited to start again today.

What does this mean? No more rabbit holes of online pattern resources! Take THAT ravelry! I will only be using written patterns for now. I’ll still support my favorite pattern makers if I can’t find that I already have it and I will refer to my favorite sources now and then, but I felt my brain firing up like I haven’t felt forever because I spent so much time seeing what others were doing and not really doing anything myself. Those days are over!

I’ve got to get on with my day. This has taken much longer and IS much longer than I expected.

I’m going to stop being Martha and try to be more like Mary. Especially during this Advent season. And I might remember and learn something. 😉

Remember to wash your hands, don’t touch your face, stay home but if you MUST go out, wear a mask and keep the length of a full grown llama (which is bigger than an alpaca) between you and the next person.

Have a blessed day!